Не мога да повярвам

Не мога да повярвам

Или не искам…
Страх!
Всичко е пропито от страх. Накъдето и да се обърнеш се усеща тягостната миризма на страха.
Страхът е движещата сила в този свят. Не любовта, не вярата, не добротата. Страхът!
Защо??? Кажи ми защо?
„Не ти казах истината, защото
– не знам как ще реагираш.“
– допълвай… Можеш нали?
„Не отидох на това пътуване, защото
– ме беше страх да пътувам сам.“
– а теб от какво те беше страх?
„Обичам я много, но не съм с нея, защото
– ме е страх какво ще бъде бъдещето ни.“
– ти защо не си с нея?
„Не искам да знам, ако ми е изневерил, защото
– ще се разделим, ако ми каже.“
– а ти? Искаш ли да знаеш?
„Не приех работата, защото
– не знам дали ще се справя.“
– твоята причина каква беше?
„С него съм, защото
– не искам да съм сама.“
– а ти защо си с него?
Усещаш ли?
Осъзнаваш ли?
Защо?
Защо не живееш?
Животът е кратичък!
Докато мигнеш и една година е излетяла.
Докато се обърнеш и животът ти е минал.
За кога се пазиш?
А когато след години се обърнеш какви искаш да са думите ти: „Живях!“ или „Не го направих, защото ме беше страх…“?

ПП. От около два месеца водя мънички битки с моите си демони всеки ден. Питаш ли ме какъв е резултатът?

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