12 дни до Коледа

12_dni_do_koleda

Exactly one year ago I lost my father. I’ve lost him…
Shock!
Painful, sharp, tearing emptiness…
Every single morning even before my consciousness is truly awake this emptiness breaks into me.
My body started to react physically to that emotional pain and that was the time I decided that I have to move on.
I have to live.
Yes, it’s hard but I am trying…
What’s left?
Memories…
… of yellow toy car suddenly appeared in my dad’s pocket. A present for me 🙂
… of looking behind corridor’s door and checking that there weren’t monsters there.
… of fighting games… yes I always won.
… of eating cakes in favourite pastry shop.
… of competing who is faster from point A to point B. Who do you think always won?
… of kissing me every single morning before he left for his job
… of giving his best years to this country
… of calling me and telling me that he found a wounded pheasant in the mountain and wondering what to do. „I can’t help it. If I leave it it will suffer and it will be eaten. But I can’t kill it.“
… of reacting so fast and reaching for his gun. I read in his eyes that he would kill that stupid dog just to protect me and my sister
… of talking about herbs and honey
… of making me sandwiches when I was sick
… of bringing me breakfast in bed
… of strange end of the phone calls
… of telling me that he loves me
… of always knowing when he called even before answering the phone
… of feeling special because he was proud of me and telling me how beautiful I am whatever I wore and whatever I looked like, telling me how smart and talented I am. Do you know what? I am starting to believe him
… of a smile
… of naughty flames in his eyes
… of telling me in a very tough situation in my life that he will support me whatever I decide. Daddy, I hope you are going to support me forever and always be next to me.
… of him … of you Daddy
I love you!

Villy Goutova (Вили Гутова),
Daddy’s girl

PS. Му familly name is sticked to my first name from my early age just because I am his daughter